Last nite I was so excited that I cudnt go to zzz at all...
Wat am I excited about, u ask?
Well, I am not too sure either...
Perhaps of my new job, my new life & my future...
All is a big unknown... Maybe it scares me...
Somehow it muz have some some link to meeting Alvin the next day.
I dare not say much.
As I have say my future is a big unknown, so I dare not make a wrong move at this junction of my life. I may lost more than I can take it if things dun go rite.
I cannot afford to lose anymore stuffs.
I cannot afford to abuse my heart again. It may go on strike one.
But the whole of today reminds me of the first day I fell in love. Indescribable.
I actually dun feel hungry for the whole day. I sort of repel all the food I see.
That is not the usual me. Maybe my flu is making me a weirdo now?
& I keep feeling sleepy oso. Maybe is the effect of my medicine u say... Maybe is becuz I dun have enuff zZz... However, coincidentally, whenever i run into Alvin in campus, I will feel like sleeping too... Too much of a coincidence, now u say?
Such is the impact that JS has on me last time.
Shen Hui knows best. I was in her class that sem.
She sees how I skip every lunch in campus that sem.
She sees how disfocus I was. Thats how I flunk my computing that sem. (I retook & got a B the next sem.)
Then I keep feeling sleepy & dozing off.
I have my views on feeling sleepy & tired whenever I am with JS.
I am a gal with super inferior complex back then, feeling insecure is my forte.
So when I have found my anchor, a place for my heart to rest, my basic instinct is to let down my my guard totally & put all my faith in him. Never do I know the outcome to be so...
So feeling sleepy is a subconcious way of telling me that I am safe to take a break now cuz someone is watching over me. Do not doubt him, go ahead & put ur trust in him.
Is this wat I feel towards Alvin? A new crush?
But being with Alvin is another type of feeling.
He is too eccentric & unpredictable.
Sometimes blow hot sometimes blow cold.
But somehow I realise he look diff today. His eyes are not darting ard that much anymore as compared to the first day I met him. Maybe back then we bu shou, thats why.
Like Pin Guan song, Ai Qing Bu Neng Zuo Bi Jiao, I cannot make direct & physical comparison on 2 diff person, what more we are talking about feeling now.
Anyway, watever it turns out to be. I just dun wanna another frenship to be ruined.
Like Ren谷 & Daniel, he told Cyn that he really is love-dead & that time has stopped for him at the moment his ex left him.
Wat these 3 guys have in common u say?
They lost their gal. Realise cant do w/o her. Titled her the "Love of my Life". Cease dating. Vowed never to love another gal.
The only diff is the steps in which wat happen 1st may be slightly diff. Of coz the reason all diff lah...
I can see his effort in not having time alone with me. He prefers 'San Ren Xing'.
I hope I am not too sensitive.
At the same time, I oso dun wish to admit this is some form of jealosy under camouflage on my part. (Ref: The grape is sour when you are unable to consume it yourself.)
How much have I typed?
Time flies... Now is 1.21am liaoz...
I started typing at 11 plus, but I did digress & go chat with Daniel juz now...
I may not have covered everything, but I did the best I can liao, cuz now my medicine startin to set in liaoz... The drowsiness seems to be alerting me that I am way past my bedtime & I have to be on time tml to meet Amanda. Gosh!
P/S:
Aspire to be 'guai kia' now, cant be the late owl I used to be anymore now that I got a job.
I muz change the way I live le...
That type of life not healthy, not beneficial to me, make me lose my focus too...
Next time I start work, my time online will begin to decrease tremendously oso.
Eh?! I feel hungry now... Die... Beta log off & go zZz the hunger off...
Will check back later to see if I have covered all...
In the meantime, linger on...
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